How I Spent Rapture Saturday


 To begin, an apology is in order. Originally, my plans were to have this typed out and posted to my blog bright and early Monday morning. Instead, I found out two of the most important letters on my keyboard had been raptured.

 Saturday was one of those usual days where nothing that needed to be done was yet done. The biggest problem was deciding whether it was worth breaking into my store of toilet paper, just so I could decorate my neighbor’s house for the big day. I figured with enough toilet paper on the trees and splashes of pink paint on the house, there was no way they would be overlooked.

 My thoughts went both ways. If I was raptured, then I wouldn’t need the toilet paper and it would be very sad that it had not been able to live up to its full potential of proving how strong and moisture resistant it was. Or, if I was left behind, with the earth disemboweling itself in wave after wave of mass destruction, I knew my biggest concern would probably be about keeping my knickers clean.

 I was saved from having to make this difficult decision by an invitation to an end of the world party. It may not have been called that, though. I think the official name was Bingo Night.. All I remember is there was enough wine flowing to drown Dionysus and tales that would make a harlot blush. We decided if anyone was getting raptured, none of us was going to be left behind, all alone.

 I hear the new date is October 21. I know I won’t be ready to go. It’s going to be one of those glorious Autumn days, so I am sure I will be busy getting ready for one of my favorite holidays when destruction hits. Which will be a great disappointment, since I was already working on my costume. How come these end-of-the world days are always scheduled for a weekend? Just because someone doesn’t have anything better to do with his weekend, doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.

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Published in: on May 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm  Leave a Comment  

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